Football is always changing. That’s not necessarily a bad thing.
The 1980s belonged to Liverpool, Nottingham Forest, and Aston Villa ruling Europe, with Everton and Ipswich punching well above their weight. Ask your dad or grandad about that era, and you’ll get misty-eyed tales of brutal tackles, muddy pitches, and English teams conquering the continent.
The 90s? That was the birth of the Premier League, the arrival of foreign flair, and the emergence of Sir Alex Ferguson’s relentless Manchester United machine.
The 2000s gave us Abramovich’s billions and Mourinho’s Chelsea, a superpower built on a foundation of cold pragmatism and mind games.
And then came the 2010s, Pep Guardiola’s decade, where Manchester City rewrote the blueprint for dominance with intricate passing, pressing, and a standard of football we’d never quite seen before.
Football styles evolve. That’s the natural order. But there are some things, some essential Barclays-isms, that seem to be disappearing before our eyes. And I, for one, miss them.
Let me list a few. See if you do too.
1. The Football Hard Man
Where did they go?
The Vinnie Joneses, Roy Keanes, and even Diego Costas of this world, the players who weren’t just there to win the game, but to let you know they’d won the battle first.
They’d get in your face. They’d leave one in. They’d throw in a late tackle, pick up a booking, and then do it again just to make sure you knew who was in charge.
And yes, sometimes they’d see red, either through a mistimed challenge or just a good old-fashioned headbutt. But it was all part of the theatre.
Now? Everyone’s mates. Players swap shirts at half-time. A full-blooded challenge gets you a VAR review for potential war crimes.
Solution? Let’s take a leaf out of ice hockey and hire two specialists, one big fella per team, to come on in the last five minutes and just settle things the old-fashioned way.
2. Goal Celebrations Actually Meant Something
Taking your shirt off after a last-minute winner? Yellow card.
Jumping into the crowd after sending your club to Wembley? Yellow card.
Football is a game built on moments of pure emotion, and yet the rules actively discourage the most passionate expressions of it.
Let the players have two passion celebrations per season, one shirt off, one full crowd dive, to use when it really matters. So if you’ve just buried a 93rd-minute screamer against your biggest rivals? Off comes the shirt, straight into the crowd, limbs everywhere.
After that, back to the polite handshakes, please.
3. The Long-Range Screamer
This one hurts the most.
The 30-yard thunderbolt has become an endangered species.
Football is now a game of meticulous, controlled buildup, with every team obsessed with creating the perfect Guardiola-style cutback and tap-in.
Where’s the Jhon Durán in all of this? The guy who sees the goal from 40 yards out and thinks, “Yeah, I’m having this.”
Let’s have one game per season where both teams agree: we’re shooting from range every five minutes. One of them is bound to go in.
4. Pass. Pass. Pass. Pass. Pass.
Possession football is king, and if you don’t enjoy it, you just don’t understand it. Or so you’re told.
Teams will pass and pass and pass until you’re practically begging for someone to lump it long to a big lad up top. But they won’t. They’ll just pass again.
I say, let’s bring back Route One Football for one matchday a season. Just stick a 6’5″ striker up top, have centre-backs pinging it long, and let’s see if we can still appreciate the beauty of a flick-on to the pace merchant running in behind.
It might be rubbish. But it’ll be fun rubbish.
5. Out-of-Nowhere Breaking Transfers
Remember when Robinho signed for Manchester City and we all thought it was a typo?
Or when Luis Figo went from Barcelona to Real Madrid, causing absolute chaos?
Or when Tevez and Mascherano randomly rocked up at West Ham, and we all just accepted it?
Now, every transfer is telegraphed for months. Fabrizio Romano has seen to that. By the time a player actually moves, we’ve had seven Here We Go™ tweets, an entire breakdown of their medical, and a 4,000-word explainer on why they fit the system.
Solution? All transfers are announced the day before the season starts.
Imagine waking up and realising your new strike force is Chris Wood and Neymar. That’s the kind of shock value football needs again.
6. Rory Delap’s Long Throws
You can keep your progressive passing stats and your inverted full-backs.
I just want to see a massive throw-in hurled into the box like a medieval siege weapon.
When I heard Liam Delap was coming through, I had visions of him launching missiles into the box like his dad. Turns out, he’s a brilliant centre-forward who’s destined for an England call-up.
Great for him. Awful for the Barclays.
Make Liam Delap take every throw-in. I don’t care if he’s through on goal. Get back and launch it.
7. Too Many Substitutes
Five subs? Too many.
Concussion subs? Fair enough, but still.
Extra-time subs? Come on.
Let’s go back to three subs. If someone pulls up with cramp, they either run it off or become a makeshift centre-back for the final 10 minutes.
Unless it’s my team. Then we absolutely must be allowed as many subs as necessary. That’s only fair.
8. VA, oh, never mind. We All Hate That One Anyway.
Let’s not even go there.
9. Goalkeepers Without Caps or Trackie Bottoms
Bring back the keeper drip.
There was once a time when your number one wore trackie bottoms, usually covered in grass stains, and a cap angled low to block the sun, or possibly just to look cool.
Gábor Király at Crystal Palace made grey jogging bottoms iconic. And if your keeper didn’t have a cap in the 90s, were they even trying?
Now it’s all sleek Nike kits and dry-fit tops. No personality. No grit.
Our solution? Allow, nay, encourage, keepers to wear caps and trackies again. Let’s see some elasticated waistlines in European knockout ties.
10. Champions League and Europa League on Terrestrial TV
Let’s be honest, this is how many of us fell in love with football.
Watching Zidane’s volley in the Champions League final. Staying up on a school night to see Man United or Arsenal go deep in Europe. These were the moments that made fans for life.
Now? Behind a paywall. If you’re not subscribed to three different streaming platforms, you’re missing out.
Kids today get their football fix from FIFA (sorry, EA FC) rather than actual football. They don’t watch Tuesday night drama unfold live; they read about it on social media the next day.
Solution? The government should chuck some money ITV and BBC’s way and bring back free-to-air European nights. Put Liverpool vs Barcelona on BBC One, let the next generation fall in love all over again.
Football Is an Evolution, Not a Revolution
Obviously, this is all light-hearted nostalgia, and football will continue to change.
But in 5-10 years, we’ll probably be saying, “You know what? I miss Pep Guardiola’s football. Now it’s just everyone heading it 10 times before scoring.”
Football always moves on. But some things? Some things were worth keeping.